- FREE 5G IN EVERY NAALA
Even cockroaches deserve better signal to cry online.
- COPE HARDER CERTIFICATES
Official unemployment dole, signed by Dabba Singh. Frame karke basement mein lagao.
- LIFETIME CHAPPAL SUPPLY
Every citizen above 12 gets a state-issued Hawaii chappal.
- RESERVATIONS FOR WORKING PEOPLE
Plumbers, chaiwalas, autowalas in Parliament. Zero for WhatsApp University grads.
- 'BETA PADH LE' AS NATIONAL ANTHEM
Sung every morning by mothers across India.
- NAALA BEAUTIFICATION PROJECT
Mandatory weekly Instagram reels of every nala.
- ANTI-LARVA TASKFORCE
Special unit to identify and broom-snipe overnight revolutionaries.
- FREE CUTTING CHAI WITH EVERY VOTE
Bribery the desi way — proper masala and Glucose biscuit.
- AADHAAR LINKED TO YOUR ROAST GAME
Weak roasts? Reduced subsidies. Asli savage? Free electricity.
- BAN ON 'AS A REVOLUTIONARY...' TWEETS
Anyone starting a tweet with this gets auto-deported to a CJP basement.
★ JOIN THE KACHRA REVOLUTION ★
SIGN THE MANIFESTO
0 kachrewale officially signed.