BREAKING
CJP Spokesperson Confused After Being Asked Follow-Up Question
Sources say he stared blankly for 4 minutes before tweeting 'Soros agenda'.
— Naala News Correspondent, somewhere damp
YOUR SOURCE OF TRUTH (NOT)
📰 NAALA NEWS
24 May 2026 · Live from the drain · Issue #∞
EXCLUSIVE
Local Tapri Wala Now Has More Engagement Than CJP National Page
He just makes good chai. CJP makes bad threads. Math checks out.
— Naala News Correspondent, somewhere damp
REPORT
Cockroach Detected Outside Basement For First Time in 4 Years
Family threw a party. Cockroach went back inside after WiFi disconnected.
— Naala News Correspondent, somewhere damp
INVESTIGATION
97% of CJP Followers Are Same 12 People With Different Anime PFPs
Forensic experts confirm. The 12 people remain unmoved.
— Naala News Correspondent, somewhere damp
OP-ED
Why I Left CJP After Realising It Was Just a Discord Server With Extra Steps
A 1,200 word essay by ex-cockroach, now full kachrewala.
— Naala News Correspondent, somewhere damp
LIVE
BREAKING: CJP Founder's Mom Calls Him Down for Dinner Mid-Revolution
Revolution paused. Aaloo paratha winning.
— Naala News Correspondent, somewhere damp
100% satire. Resemblance to reality is purely the reality's fault.